Jurassic World Sequel Promises To Be Longer And More Boring Than Last

With the incredible worldwide box office explosion that Jurassic World was, it was no surprise that they then announced that the franchise was going to morph it’s way into a trilogy. As an expansion to the Jurassic Park universe, there was no Michael Crichton around to give any advice or write the basics of what the next premise would be.

Originally, we heard rumblings of dinosaurs with weapons, human/dinosaur hybrids and other crazy ideas that never came to fruition. The final product turned out to be a nearly note-for note rehash of the first Jurassic Park but with a dinosaur that could cloak itself, ala Predator.

Somehow, this still blew the money directly out of people’s wallets, because we’re a terribly forgetful lot and will gladly line up to see the same movie twice. Well, get ready to see it again, as Jurassic World 2: Jurassic World is set to be the next in the series.

Where will Jurassic World 2: Jurassic World differ from its predecessor? As far as we know, it’s going to be 30 minutes longer and have even less dinosaurs. For how long the first movie was, it seemed like there were only about 4 or 5 types of dinosaurs in the whole park. Considering how much bigger this park was supposed to be and that it had been running for 30 years, it really seemed like dinosaurs were an afterthought in this park. They were really more concerned with ridiculous ways to transport people, like gyroscopic bubble bikes and big, glass monorails. What types of imaginary transportation can we expect to see in the sequel? Who knows, but we’ll probably get way more new vehicles than dinosaurs.

Of course, it wouldn’t be a Jurassic Park movie if someone else’s kids weren’t in peril, as it seems like white parents just let their kids go anywhere, with anyone, so expect more kids to be on the loose. Will any of them die this time? Of course not, they never kill the kids in Jurassic Park movies. They only kill the people that have questionable intentions, leaving the human villain to be killed closer to the end of the film in a stand-off with the lead characters. See, we have it all figured out.

Jurassic World 2: Jurassic World will be coming to a theater near you in 2018. Or you can just rewatch the last one and stay awake this time.